Do you ever ask yourself about your purpose in this life?

August 15 2025 5:48pm (while in hot tub alone)

For years now, I’ve asked myself what is the purpose of my existence on this planet I have been through just about everything death road accidents drug use child abuse marriages, divorces I’ve been through it all, including having children. Today it feels like I am some kind of science experiment to experience life on earth as I sit in this hot tub it makes me realize everything that I’ve gone through has been for the research of a force that I know nothing about, but as I think about the things that I have gone through, I realized as a person I never deserved any of them.

It becomes very difficult to have a relationship with anyone in this life with the past trauma that I have endured, but not just as myself, but those who you’re trying to have a relationship with have also their past experiences and what that’s done to them. This year in 2025 it has become apparent that relationships are extremely difficult unless you are able to get past those traumas past experiences and the things that need away at your brain because of the other person‘s behave. I have been able to build a solo life for myself and my dog, but I also want to share my life with someone special, someone who thinks of me the same way I do about them. But it’s now become very quick to raise it ugly head either past experiences from them or myself that trigger one or another behaviors that can quite easily turn a relationship into a breakup. In today’s society, there are so many behave traits that it almost becomes impossible to navigate before you find yourself wondering what in the fuck have I got myself into?